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by DR Catherine HoodX
DEAR DR CATH,
I'M good looking, quite curvy and have blonde hair, so it's not easy to blend into the crowd in my new job. I'm naturally shy but I don't want to be seen as a dumb blonde. I have a brain and want to be recognised for my professional qualities but I've noticed I'm becoming the butt of sexist jokes and it's getting worse.
Last week I was getting a drink of water when I felt someone pinch my bottom. I spun around to confront him but found my backside was then spanked by one of my female colleagues. I can sort of understand the behaviour of the men but I can't believe that a woman isn't standing up for me, let alone joining in.
I try to laugh it off but every night I go home in tears. My relationship with my boyfriend is beginning to suffer because I'm so down all the time. I don't want to run to the boss and sneak on my colleagues. Please can you help?
WHAT'S happening to you is totally out of order. You have the right to enjoy your work in a hassle-free environment and not become the victim of bullying because of your physical appearance. You certainly shouldn't put up with bottom slapping no matter what sex the culprit.
What often happens in a group is that one strong character will take a dislike to someone they consider an easy target. Through their actions they create an environment in which others feel they have to play along or risk being victims of the bullying themselves. This may explain the lack of support from your female colleague.
It may seem like whingeing but you need to complain. The stress of the situation is already knocking your self-esteem and starting to impact on your life outside work. The situation will only get worse unless you put a stop to it now.
First you have to make it very clear that you want the comments and gestures to stop. If calm words and warnings don't work then you have to talk to your boss. Your employer has a responsibility to make sure this kind of harassment doesn't happen. Ask them what actions they intend to take as many companies will have a policy on how to handle these situations. Your union may also be able to provide you with help and advice.
Am I heading for a problem? DEAR DR CATH,
I ENJOY sex, especially oral sex...and all my boyfriends have said I'm great at it. But I'm worried because a friend told me I could get cancer this way. Is it true?
THERE is some suggestion that having oral sex with a lot of men can increase a woman's risk of developing mouth cancer.
The theory is a sexually-transmitted virus, called papilloma, is to blame. For a long time it has been linked to cervical cancer but now it's thought it may cause mouth cancer in some women and is caught through oral sex.
Before you panic, the risk is very small and smoking and drinking are more likely to cause cancers of the mouth than oral sex.
But it's good to be aware that other sexually-transmitted infections like chlamydia and gonorrhoea can also be passed to your throat. Consider asking him to put on a flavoured condom before oral sex.
Two much the morning after DEAR DR CATH,
I HAVE a new boyfriend and had to take the morning after pill twice last month. Now I'm worried in case it affects my fertility.
THE morning after pill will not affect your fertility. But it's not a good idea to take it more than once in a month.
The risk with taking the emergency pill twice in a cycle is that afterwards there's no way to know whether it has worked until you've had another period. This means there's a chance you're already pregnant when you come to take the pills for the second time.
Taken early and within 72 hours of unprotected sex, the emergency contraception can provide good protection from getting pregnant.
But its failure rate is high when compared to other forms of contraception like the pill or condoms.
You have a new boyfriend, so go and find out about your contraception options.
My love life takes a hit DEAR DR CATH,
MY ex used to spank me as part of our sex games. We had a wonderful relationship but split up because she didn't want to get married. Since then I've had a few relationships but whenever I ask them to spank me or tie me up they make excuses and then I don't see them again. I think that I'll never find another woman like my ex and it's making me very depressed.
YOU have to change your approach to your girlfriends and be a bit more realistic about what you can expect from sex in a new relationship.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of bondage and light spanking - in fact nearly one in three couples use this as a way to spice up their sex life. But sexual preferences differ and everyone has their own likes and dislikes.
When you've had a very close relationship with someone then it can be difficult for a new lover to match the experience. It takes time to build a good sex life with a new partner.
If you want to find a partner you know is interested in spanking and bondage, try www.bondage.com or www.britishspanking.com
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